Help Marriage

Some of the most dreaded words a spouse can hear are “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Too often, we get to this point before we start to worry about how to help our marriage grow and be strong. These words can seemingly come from nowhere or there may be issues in the marriage that you simply aren’t dealing with. Whether there has been infidelity or some other instance of broken trust in the relationship, or there has been abuse, boredom, or any number of other issues, you will need to actively work to save your marriage and make it the healthy, happy relationship that you always wanted it to be.

The First Step to Help Marital Problems Go Away

Any marriage has highs and lows that are a normal part of the flow of things. When you go through an extended period of lows, however, there may be a problem. Until you identify what that problem is, you aren’t going to be able to make it better. In some instances, targeting the issue that is making you fight all the time or that is hurting one of you is simple.

You may be fighting over money or maybe you are upset that your spouse doesn’t seem to be interested in you physically anymore. For others, the reason for the problems may be less obvious. If you have to get counseling to figure out what the problems are, then do it. You can’t find solutions without knowing the problems.

The Second Step to Help Marital Problems Go Away

Once you have identified the problem or problems, you can take a practical approach to making them go away. This is going to require you to sit down and talk calmly and honestly about creating a plan for making things better. This is probably going to be more difficult than you expect it to be. Even those problems that seem minor can be very complex once you start working on them.  Often that’s because your spouse is the one who considers it to be a deal breaker and by the time things have gotten to the point where you are in danger of losing your relationship, they have peaked.

You may have to do more than adjust your attitude in order to help your marital problems go away. For instance, if your wife has delivered the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” message and she has been avoiding any type of intimacy with you for months, you may be confused about what seems to have been a sudden change in her feelings. When she tells you that the 50-pound beer gut you have put on has completely cooled her off, are you going to be willing to commit to getting yourself in shape in order to help your marital problems go away?

The problem can also be something like the fact that she feels rejected by you since you haven’t touched her in six months. If she has put on a lot of weight or just isn’t taking care of herself and you don’t see her in the same way, you need to put your cards on the table as well. With these types of issues, it is important not to be accusatory or point a finger of blame. Use the word “I” instead of the word “you”.

The Third Step to Help Marital Problems Go Away

You have to have time to help your marital problems go away, regardless of what they are. Whether you choose to get counseling or work on the problems yourself, it takes time to find solutions for your problems and to heal from the damage that they have already done. Always keep in mind that you are working to change your marriage and not your spouse. It is the relationship that needs mending and you will both have to work at it and at finding what you admire most in each other in order to fall in love again.

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Tips To Help You Save Marriage Alone

If your marriage has seen better days and you fear a final chapter is coming, it may be possible to take steps to prevent divorce. Making an attempt to save your marriage alone, when your spouse is nonresponsive, can be extremely difficult, but is not impossible.

Embarking on a mission to save your marriage alone doesn’t come with any guarantee of success. If your spouse is being difficult, refuses to talk or even refuses to admit there may be serious issues facing your union, you can take it upon yourself to act alone initially to save your marriage.

The following tips can help you save your marriage alone and may enable you to open your spouse’s eyes before it’s too late:

* Identify the trouble spots – Trying to do this as you work to save your marriage alone can be extremely difficult. If your spouse will not open up and share, you may not get a complete picture of the issues you face. Still, you can work on your own to identify obvious concerns such as a lack of communication, a waning of intimacy, a lack of caring, and so on. Look inside your relationship and try to identify the major cracks in the foundation.

* Brainstorm solutions – Once you’ve identified some areas of concern, brainstorm for solutions you can work towards on your own. Trying to save your marriage alone can present challenges to implementing the solutions you’ve formulated. You need to be aware of the fact your spouse may not be willing to offer the true give-and-take a relationship needs to heal and rebuild. Even so, you may find some solutions you can put into action on your own.

* Try to communicate – After you’ve evaluated your problems and how to potentially solve them, try to open up a dialogue with your spouse. Make your attempt to save your marriage alone known to your spouse. By sharing, you may inspire your spouse to also step in and take action. Even if you don’t, go ahead and share your concerns and ideas for reconciliation and listen carefully to the responses.

* Take action – If you are still working to save your marriage alone after trying to communicate with your spouse, it is likely there are some steps you can take to put action behind your words. If you have stated you’ll become more positive and loving, try to do so. It can be helpful to bolster your positive side by using affirmations, meditating or even seeking counseling. If there is an issue of taking your spouse for granted, now is the time to show you are trying to overcome it. Whatever you have identified that needs addressing, try to achieve it.

* Re-evaluate the situation – If you have clearly stated your intent and have taken action to try to save your marriage alone, and you still aren’t getting your spouse to acknowledge your problems or want to work on them, it may be time to re-evaluate your situation. Consider making another attempt at communication or even try different actions and gauge the results.

* Remain positive – Taking steps to save your marriage alone can be very difficult, but they do sometimes pay off. Try to remain positive as you work on the problems you can tackle on your own. Even if you are not ultimately successful in your attempts to salvage your relationship, you will likely come out of the situation stronger and happier with yourself for having made the attempt.

Marriage is a two-way street. There are times, however, when one spouse has to take action to save the relationship. Saving your marriage alone will not always work, but the effort can be very worthwhile to try.

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